My Skin Journey — Strictly Blonde

Today I wanted share my biggest insecurity, something I have been dealing with for a long time and really don’t share with many people. I am sharing this because I know I am not alone, many people go through this everyday and I want others who are suffering to know they are beautiful in their own skin and for who they are.

I have struggled with acne and acne scaring for 10 years. 6 of those years I did not know why I was constantly breaking out. I tried everything you could think of, medication after medication, facials, chemical peels, microdermabrasion, basically you name it, I’ve tried it. I have even tried what feels like every cleanser and face wash out there, cheap, expensive, everything! And although some worked better than others, no wash or cleanser really stood out to me or helped me with my problem all that much!

My acne started my first year of Junior High, 13 years old. We thought it had to be hormonal acne and that once my hormones balanced out it would go away. When it didn’t seem to be getting better, we blamed it on my bangs. Being a teen when side bangs were huge we thought it must have been the oils from my hair and hands constantly touching my bangs that was causing the acne to erupt. So I grew out my bangs, and didn’t touch my hair and face, but still nothing. If anything it was getting worse…

By this time I was going into my freshman year of high school. Knowing I was about to see double the faces everyday with all of the upper class-men in the halls, I was terrified.

Your face is the first thing anyone looks at when they see you, talk to you or meet you. And mine was not something I was proud of. Luckily my mom let me start wearing makeup to cover up my insecurity.

I remember more times than I can count, being invited to things and not going because I was too embarrassed to show my face in a social setting. Staying home and crying, not knowing why this was happening to me. The only way I felt decent about myself was by hiding behind layers and layers of makeup trying to pretend it just wasn’t there.

Years went by and nothing was working. I tried any suggestion anyone would give me at this point. And by now, the acne was building on top of one another, and being so cystic and huge they started to form scars on my skin. Which basically just looked like big craters on my skin. Leaving me with a very unsmooth surface.

Finally, after seeing what felt like every dermatologist in the inland empire, my amazing esthetician told me that acne can be caused by food allergies. New knowledge to me, I was willing to cut anything out of my diet to see if it could help me.

Since dairy is the most common acne causing allergy, she had me cut out dairy first and reevaluated after 2 weeks. Although there was a slight change, nothing ground breaking. Luckily, in those 2 weeks my grandpa came to visit. After telling him about the struggles I had been facing, he told me that he used to have the same kind of acne when he was my age and it was caused by chocolate. So obviously that was the next thing to be weeded out of my diet since allergies can be genetic. And….HALLE FRICKEN LUJAH IT WORKED!! So, short story turned very long.. I have an allergy to chocolate and it is what had caused me so much pain and insecurity for so many years. Being a teenage girl and having my allergy start at such a pivotal age where all I wanted was chocolate, I ate it all the time. Making my problem worse by the day.

Although we discovered the reason why I was constantly breaking out, that was just the beginning of the journey….

Eliminating chocolate from my diet was easier then most would think. Most people freak out when I tell them I am allergic to chocolate, saying “that must suck” or “what do you eat then?” But to me, it was either chocolate or beautiful skin..seems like a pretty easy choice if you ask me.

But now came the real question, how do I get all of these scars off my face and get my skin back to looking “normal”? With help from my esthetician, I underwent a series of chemical peels. A procedure that peels off the top layers of your skin, to reveal the newer layers underneath. Leaving you red and flaky for a few days after treatment. She also put me on a special facial cleanser that I loved by a brand called Jessa Skincare. I used their cleanser and toner and I noticed my skin reacted very well to it. Although the peels were working well for me, they just weren’t doing enough in a timely manner. She advised me to see a dermatologist, specifically one that does laser treatments.

After some research I found a doctor I trusted and scheduled my Mixto laser treatment. Treatment is not cheap, and hurts like hell. Like seriously, it felt like someone pulled out a box cutter and was scrapping the heck out of my skin for an hour straight. To preform the Mixto Laser Treatment my doctor went in with the laser and basically poked tiny holes in my face speeding up my body’s collagen production in those areas. Once treatment was over, I had to have vasoline globbed on my face for a full 24 hours to make sure my skin didn’t get dry. Even though this was so gross I could see a difference almost immediately. My skin was sensitive for about 2 months following the treatment and I was not supposed to go into the sun for long periods of time for about 3 months following treatment, to make sure not to damage the new skin.

Throughout the course of about 6 months I could see my skin getting better and better. Within a year it was the best it had looked in years! My doctor warned me that I would need more than one treatment to be truly happy with my skin. And even though it was the worst pain of my life, I knew pretty quickly that I would be back to experience the pain all over again if it meant getting the results I wanted.

Fast forward about 2 1/2 years (present day) and I finally made an examination appointment for the doctor to look at my skin and evaluate my options. Of course by now, new technology and treatments have come out that my doctor thinks could work better than the Mixto treatment. With it being summertime, I know I have a few months to do research and compare the two before I make any decisions. But moving forward I will undergo another type of acne scar treatment, in the fall/winter time to continue moving in the right direction to healthy thriving skin.

For anyone who is going through acne, acne scarring, or any other type of insecurities whether they are skin related or not, I want you all to know you are not alone. Everyone is beautiful in their own way regardless of their insecurities and differences. Even the most beautiful people in the world have insecurities, so trust me its normal and its okay.

Even though this is something that once took over my life in every aspect, I now refuse for my differences to be looked at as flaws by myself and others. I can now say because I went through years of sadness, and embarrassment I have come out the most confident I have ever been in myself. I can say I truly know myself and who I am inside, regardless of my flaws on the outside. And let me tell you, it is the best feeling in the world to not care what others think of me and my appearance. After all of this I have a love and passion for skincare, and love trying new products, techniques, and tools to help my skin thrive and share those now with others.

I encourage and challenge each and everyone of you to acknowledge the things that make you feel insecure and find a way to love yourself regardless of them.

My journey is not yet over but I am excited for the future and to see something that once controlled me be removed completely from my life.